Fear of Failure, How I Succeed In Spite of It

By Ashley Laine

Fear of Failure is one of the most common reasons people do not go into business. My family and I went to the pool this summer and my husband was taking, Blake my son into the deeper water and I frantically called out for him to stay in the shallow end of the pool.

I am not sure what caused me to do such a thing. There was a lifeguard on duty, my Husband is a good swimmer, and my son had his floats on. For some reason I came back to that episode in my mind when my mother told me that I should not move forward with my passion and my business because I might get disappointed or fail.

I heard myself in her voice and cringed inside. How often had I done this? Now I am not one to outright say no to my husband or my kids, I am much better at being passive aggressive. It still comes down to my fear of failing.

Now I am being metaphorical. Even as I sit here writing, I now cringe at the memory of my doing just such a thing on many occasions. So our fear of failure does not just apply to ourselves. We instill it in our children and those around us just as readily.

So applying this to business, we tell those in our life that we love that we do not want them to get disappointed or hurt. I wonder at our true motivations. I am one of those, where if I am going to fail I normally leave an Ashley sized hole in the wall. I fail the same way I succeed, with a flourish.

I am not sure who first uttered the phrase the spoils go to the daring, yet I have heard these words over and over again when it comes to success. My father helped me in business when I was fourteen. That started me on a journey. Yet fear of failure has plagued me all of the way.

A wise man once said that it rains on the just and the unjust. So if you are going to get wet anyways you might as well splash in the puddles. How do you deal with challenges? Do you cringe or do you look it in the face and laugh and splash in the puddles? I do believe the answer to that question comes down to your ultimate success and happiness.

I believe that with everything that I have and am. So what do you do with potential failure? It is bound to happen. You are bound to get wet if you play in places where it might rain.

My husband actually helped me with this one. He suggested that I consider the worst thing that could happen and then if we can deal with it, I go for it totally putting any idea of such an outcome out of my existence. I scratch out the worst thing that could happen, or tear it up in little pieces and burn it.

Then I write the best outcome possible and I read it morning noon and night and burn it into my psyche. My father always told me I could do anything. I have not always believed it. Down deep I wanted to believe it yet when a good friend asked me to help with The Women Empowerment Club I realized that it is what I needed.

I know in my heart that I am a champion, yet there is still that voice in the back of my head that questions. I am a person that has learned that the support of others helps me though those times that I, by myself would focus on the rain. I am a team player.

I need time to mourn when things do not go my way. I cannot just jump up like nothing happened. My strength comes from giving myself permission. After that moment standing in the rain I can find the puddles again. Give yourself permission to grieve those times in your life when you are knocked down.

Find a group of women who care about your success and who will not try to fix your problems. Sometimes you just need to eat a brownie and complain for a second then the next day you are ready to keep going. Remember that you do not fail unless you quit.

I do not have quit in me. I just need a hug and my moment where I can get it off my chest then I can brush myself off and keep going. Give yourself permission to not be perfect and to ask for help when you need it at times. That has gotten me though some serious challenges and it hopefully will help you as well.

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